Sit down at the table. Don’t rock the chair back. Use a fork. Don’t leave the table until everyone else is finished. (Yes, I sound like my mom. I’ve accepted it.)
I love good food – and while my kids clearly haven’t caught on yet – I’ve come to understand the importance of gathering around the family table for regular meals.
No one I’ve known has understood the power of the kitchen table like the late Sen. George McManus, Jr. did. In fact, I was recently reminded that he was born on the kitchen table on a farm on Old Mission in 1930! Given that entrance, perhaps it's fitting that the kitchen table maintained such a prominent position in his life.
I invite those of you who have also spent time around George and his wife Clara’s kitchen table to remember those moments and the stories they shared. For those who didn’t have the pleasure, think of an idyllic farmhouse, kind grandparents and conversations about how you can work together to solve problems and do good.
George would talk about leaders from “across the aisle” finding common ground over a meal. He undoubtedly accomplished at least as much sitting at the kitchen table as in any formal meeting room. George and Clara created a tremendous legacy through their agricultural operations, community service and leadership, hard-working family, charitable giving, and more.
What if your legacy plans could unfold as beautifully as you imagine just by talking with your family over a warm meal at your own kitchen table? Could it really be that simple?
Think about it. When our kids share their challenges at school over the dinner table, our natural inclination is to guide their responses through the lens of our values.
When we hear news of tragedy near and far, we might discuss as a family the different ways we can help. This begins to teach our children the power of philanthropy and how our family chooses to give.
As the school year ends, the older kids start thinking about summer jobs and saving up toward their own goals. This puts their future into perspective.
As we raise our kids, we prepare them to face obstacles on their own. And in turn, we’re preparing them to face life’s challenges without us being there to guide them. So, trust me. Your kids are ready to talk about your legacy plans. This begs the question ... are you ready?
If you’re not, then make the time to gather your thoughts and prepare. Find a quiet moment at the table with your notepad and pencil and make some notes to guide your planning conversations.
These thought-starters will be well-informed by all the earlier family meetings you’ve had over mealtimes past:
- Your values and hopes for your family’s future.
- Your charitable priorities.
- Wishes for family property (real estate and other keepsakes).
- And if you don’t already have it done, ask other family members to help compile family history.
Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, call an all-family meeting and invite other members to contribute as well.
When it’s finally time to put these plans into action, make sure to bring in experts to the planning table. Reach out to your financial advisor, estate attorney, CPA and others to ensure that you’re not overlooking anything.
Questions to consider:
- Are your basic estate plans up to date and properly structured to achieve your goals?
- Is there a need for a charitable trust or a special needs trust to care for a loved one? Is your family considering a charitable foundation or donor-advised fund?
- Are there plans for one or more children to inherit real estate?
- If so, have other assets been allocated equitably or as desired? If the plan is to sell real estate, does your family have a relationship with a trusted wealth manager to manage the proceeds from that sale wisely?
You’ll be working with your professional advisors to put these plans in place, but don’t forget to bring these elements back to the kitchen table to share with your family. Together, you’ll craft a stronger plan, and the next generation will be invested in the success of this process.
If you’re struggling to navigate this type of in-depth family meeting, reach out to your wealth planning team. Professional advisors are happy to help facilitate these conversations. As difficult as they can be now, it only gets harder as time passes, and sadly, you may miss your opportunity all together.
With a better understanding of your goals, your family and advisors will be well prepared to help implement the plans when the time comes.
So, what are you waiting for? Pull up a chair, pour a cup of coffee, and start the conversation. Your family’s legacy begins at the kitchen table.